The Journey

Somehow, I couldn't figure out before today, how to follow one of my followers. Someone I have known for years, but have not been very close to. Someone I share a bond with, but never really knew that much about. And to be honest, someone I have always kind of admired. I should be working right now, I will admit, but instead, I have been reading about the past year of her life. And the more I read, the more I come to respect this person, and find that we have so much more in common than I could ever know.

The first thing I noticed is that she is an amazing writer. The more I read, the more I felt inspired to write. The more I read, the more I reached back into my past and started thinking of that time 4.5 years ago, when as I was ending a realtionship and giving back a ring and starting my journey to find myself, she was just finding happiness with someone. Someone who was probably supposed to be forever, but alas did not work out. And now reading about her experience with that happiness coming to an end earlier this year, and her journey to find herself again, I cry. But the funny part is, the entire time she is speaking of the sadness, pain, and loneliness that come with the end of a long-term commitment to someone else, I do not cry. I remember the pain, but do not cry. The tears come when I read of her new butterflies for someone else.

I am not sure why this is the release point. Is it because as I am reading over the one, two, three months it takes her to start getting to a place where she can get through the day, the emotions are slowly building inside of me? And when I finally see that she has found happiness again, or thinks she might have, I am overwhelmed with joy for her? I have no idea. Maybe it's the hormones from my contraceptive.

I always feel the need to take her under my wing. Which is funny because we don't talk often, or really even hang out together for that matter. Group social gatherings are what have brought us together in the past, and she is usually one of my favorites, but now that she is no longer part of that group, and to be honest, neither am I, I do not see her or know much beyond what I read on facebook. But I always want to take her under my wing. Tell her that I too experienced the pain of losing someone I thought would be forever, and made it through the rough journey of finding myself without him. Part of that journey consisted of spending a lot of money, drinking a lot of booze and eating terribly delicious food late at night, and surrounding myself with other people that had those similar interests.

It also consisted of throwing myself into someone who should have never been more than a friend and making myself look pathetic and vulnerable in doing so. I became someone I didn't even recognize. The true emo side of me really came out there for a while. And through that rejection I ended up giving someone else a chance who didn't deserve a moment of my time, let alone 6 months...twice. Yikes. Of course there were a number of "victims" along my journey that I tried to let down easily, but never really succeeded in doing so. That really takes a toll on you mentally.

But all in all, I think the person I ended up finding is somewhat well-adjusted, determined, and hopeful. So I have to say that the journey was worth it. The so-called "end" has justified the means. Only being a little over a quarter of the way through my life, I know that it is nowhere near the end, but I am coming to a place that I have been working toward all this time. A place I never thought I would find again. And it's better than I could have ever imagined.

I think about how things are now, and I can't believe I almost settled for so much less. Not that the person was so much less, but the experience, the relationship, the love, was SO much less. There was less respect for each other and the relationship itself. There was less maturity in both of us, and I think we may have never grown from that if we had stayed together. I would be 2.5 years into a marriage, extremely unhappy, and probably nowhere near where I am in my career today. Instead, I have another degree under my belt and a love so different and so much better than anything I have ever known before.

So all I can say is, as hard as it was and as much as it hurt sometimes, the journey was definitely worth it. I can't wait for what's in store...

Random Rambling

I understand it has been over a month since my last post, but soon, this will not be an issue. I am convinced that once I have the space to sit on my couch and blog as I watch tv, or sitting at the bar drinking my coffee on a Saturday morning that you will hear much more from me ( I know those 5 of you who follow me can't wait!). Right now my computer sits on the small table in the kitchen and I spend most of my time while at home in the bedroom. One or both of the boys are in the living room with Larry, so I reside in the bedroom.

House Update:
We are two weeks away from closing on the house. We have the initial walk thru on the 17th and the final on the 23rd. I have the blinds scheduled to be installed on the afternoon of the 23rd and we can hopefully have the couch delivered that day as well. The satellite and phone and internet are being installed on the 28th. I am taking the week of Christmas and the week after off to get settled in. I have already reserved a Uhaul for the 22nd/23rd and am trying to corral some moving help from friends. This is tough because people are working during the middle of the day in the middle of the week.

I cannot stop buying things for the house. I have refrained quite a bit, but for everything I don't buy, I find one or two things more that we actually need. I am trying to wait until we get in there and find out what we really NEED, but there is so much cool stuff out there. The closet in the office right now is quickly filling with things for the new place. It started when I found the guest bath stuff I wanted at Walmart and just bought it all in one fell swoop. Then JB pointed out that he wanted our house to smell like B&BW, so we got a few wall flowers during a sale. Then we got a brita pitcher and some filter replacements at Target for a good price. And then I found a nice analon bakeware set at costco for a good price. And then cyber Monday brought a great deal on bedding (Cal King 10pc comforter set for $89) and a 20pc knife set for $26. Then I couldn't pass up the electric wine opener for $10. It's amazing, btw. Also, I found a set of 4 stemless wine glasses at walmart for $9! Crazy. So, yeah. That's why I keep buying things. I am convinced we need a spice rack, so I am looking for one of those. I have three coupons for Bed Bath and Beyond, each for 20% off one item. These will definitely come in handy. The only other thing we NEED is bar stools. I don't know why they are so expensive, but even the cheap ones at Walmart are more than I want to pay. The dishes I found are on back order until the 15th, and I am still waiting to hear if my dad and step-mom are going to be able to get them for Christmas. Otherwise, I need to get on there and get them ordered. We'll see.

School Update:
I have a little over a month before my comprehensive exam, which is the last thing I need to complete for my masters program. The exam is on January 16th. Maybe I can find some time in my two weeks off to get some preparation done, but I highly doubt it. Yikes! The study guide is 40 pages long. My plan is to take a couple of subjects home with me at a time to prep for so I am not trying to do it all at once. I'll let you know how that goes.

Holiday Madness:
It's almost time for the Christmas Tour! I hate to sound ungrateful for having so many people in my life to share the holidays with, but it sure is a pain! Especially now that I will have the keys to my home and will probably just want to roll around on the new carpet, or sink into my new couch or something.

Every year, the Saturday before Christmas is when we get together with my mom's side of the family. We do a name drawing gift exchange with a max limit of $25. To me, it seems really silly to even do gifts with a limit like this because you can't really get someone something all that great, so are you really just wasting $25? And if you just get them a gift card, it's kind of lame. I say we scrap gifts all together and just make it what the holidays are really about, which is food and family. I think we might discuss that option for next year.

Christmas Eve, I have two options. In Vacaville, my stepmom is responsible for her entire family's well-being on Christmas Eve. She has always been the one to host the party and do the entertaining. There are lots of friends and family of her and my dad, lots of food, and lots of booze. It's usually a pretty good time. A little further away, in Antioch, my dad's side of the family gathers every year. This is the Christmas Eve I grew up looking forward to and celebrating every year as I had many cousins close to my age to play with and many aunts and uncles to spend time with. As I got older, and through my relationship with Nick, I kind of stopped going to this function. Because it is farther away and most of the cousins grew up and got married and moved away. And for some reason, whether it was all in my head or not, I felt like an outcast in that group of people. And the longer I stayed away, the harder it was to go back. Thanks to Facebook, I am able to keep current on what everyone is up to and now it doesn't seem as awkward to go hang out with this side of my family because I can actually talk with them about the things in their life that are happening. JB and I will be going this year, and I am really excited for everyone to meet him.

Christmas Day starts off with a brunch with my step-dad's family. Their name drawing gift exchange is a little too rich for my blood, as the minimum is $75. This year I will not be participating. I am not missing out on the food though. My aunt makes monkey bread. Mmmmmmm. After either a matinee movie or a nap, we will head over to JB's parents' house for dinner.

I am already exhausted just thinking about it. And I feel that way as soon as I realize that Thanksgiving is here each year. It will all be over soon and I will be snuggled up with JB in our new home and looking forward to paying our ridiculous bills every month. Can it get any better?

Update

So, technically I wrote a Vegas blog, but I am waiting on a couple of pics from one of the trips from a friend, so it's not ready for posting. Otherwise it wouldn't have been over a month since I posted last. I guess it's time for an update:

First, I finally paid off my credit card!!!! I managed to pay down $11K in a little under a year. Pisses me off that I got myself into that into the first place, because I could have had that money in savings right now, but you live and you learn. To know the sacrifices I have made to pay that thing off makes me really proud. I also couldn't have done it without the help of my parents, who let me move in with them for a while, along with my friends Tiffany and DC for letting me move there when I was over living with my parents. The payoff wouldn't have been possible without the disgustingly low rent they allowed me to pay them. I didn't really make a huge deal about it because right before I made my final payment on my sole debt, John and I bought the couch. We should have it paid off before we get into the house, but now the debt is ours together and we are paying it off together. :)

I am semi-officially done with school. I took my last final on the 13th of October, so I am done with classes, but I have the comprehensive exam on January 16th. I have already downloaded the study guide, but now I have to actually study. There are 8 core classes in the program, so there are 8 topics that I can possibly be tested on, but I only have to answer 3 questions for the exam. According to one of the professors, since there has been a new Dean in town, there has been a higher success rate on the exam. I'll take it. Apparently they only have one graduation ceremony each year, which is the second Saturday in June, so that's when I will be walking. I might have a mini-celebration after I pass my comps, but we will have an official party in June. We might have a backyard by then :)

The house is definitely coming along. We have been visiting every week and have finished picking out all of our options and everything. We had a walk thru with the contractor last Friday to check out the framing. Our house is so smart! Lots of energy efficiency to lower our utility bills. One of my favorite features is the pest control system that is piped through the walls and connected to two boxes on opposite sides of the house. They come and spray every couple of months and hook up to the system and pump the walls with shoo-fly spray to make the bugs stay away. If you know how I feel about bugs and spiders, you know why this is my favorite feature.

I am trying not to get ahead of myself with all of the things we will still need to do/purchase. We already bought our couch, since it takes two months to come in. They should have it my the end of November and we will just need them to hold it for a few more weeks. The sales rep for Shea Homes told me that we should have our escrow dates in a couple of weeks. When we walked our home, the contractor also took us to the house two doors down which is ready for their final walk thru. They had the same color cabinets and granite, as well as the same appliances, so we got to see what our kitchen will look like. Here are a few pics of the current structure and the options we picked:

(side view)

I have been living with JB for over two months now. We hit a few bumps at first, which is completely normal, but things have seemed to settle down. I realized that it's much easier to be a control freak when you live by yourself and are the only one in your environment. I have learned to get past the fact that he can never seem to close the closet door all the way and he leaves water bottles and cups, along with empty yogurts and spoons on his nightstand. But now I just shake my head and smile and take them into the kitchen. Silly boy. I have also learned how to approach him to obtain the most effective results. He commends me when I do this and I appreciate that. Communication is key. In just a couple of months we will have a new home with a dishwasher and a washer/dryer and will look back on this time and I will be shocked that we made it through with flying colors.

I managed to lay low this summer. I only went out on the boat a few times and didn't really go on any trips besides Vegas for our anniversary. It seems as though all (or most anyway) of my friends are in healthy and stable relationships. Thus, we have all turned into old people that want to save our money and our livers. The few times I have actually ventured out into the nightlife, I have only lasted a couple of hours and ended up annoyed with the drunken public and my sore feet. Makes me happy that I don't have many reasons to do much of that anymore. The occasional birthday party here and there, but not every weekend like I used to. My weekends now consist of trips to Wal-Mart and Costco, doing chores and laundry, going to the gym and spending time with JB. Man, I got old really fast. LOL!

I am loving every minute of it though. Now that I am finished with school, I can get back to reading for pleasure instead of education. I can be caught up on my DVR before the weekend comes. I also have more time for my friends and family. Definitely not bad.

Fake It 'til You Make It

Is there a certain point where you feel like you are actually an adult? Maybe I just started adding responsibility at such a young age that instead of feeling like I grew up too fast, I feel like I am still a kid trying to fake my way through adulthood. I feel like there is just some point that it will all of the sudden click that I am a real, live grown up. But instead I just feel like a kid. I feel so much younger than those around me, even my friends that are 23 and 24. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I started Kindergarten at 4 years old and had a birthday late in the year, so I was always younger than everyone else. Maybe that just stuck with me. It doesn't help that I work with a bunch of middle-aged or older, mostly men. And that my braces make me look 15. But even before round two of the hardware, I felt like a kid.

I am stuck at 16. I don't understand. I have had a job, non-stop, since I was 15 years old. I bought my first car at 19, my first house at 22, finished my bachelor's degree, and still felt like a kid. I balance my checkbook and pay bills, I just recently moved in with my boyfriend (first time ever for me), am finishing up my masters in less than a month, and we are buying a house. It is all very exciting and a very "grown up" thing, but for some reason, I am still trapped inside the mindset of adolescence.

I am clearly rambling and don't even know exactly what I am trying to say.

When does it change? Does it ever change? I am going to be 28 this year and the number has no effect on me because I still feel like a kid. I look at other people and their lives and even though it is not much different than mine, I see it so much differently. I don't know.

I guess I'll just keep faking it.

My, How Vegas Has Changed

(Disclaimer: I started writing this post over a year ago, shortly after returning from our anniversary trip and it never got posted because I was waiting to add some pics from a couple of the trips. I just saw it in my drafts and said "screw it!", so I added to it and here it is.)

I don't really mean the city itself. Although it boggles my mind how the strip hasn't really gotten any bigger, but they still manage to fit more crap on it. I am referring to my Vegas experience. Let's go on a little journey, shall we?
My first post-21 Vegas trip was Spring Break 2005. I was engaged, but my fiancee decided not to join me as I was going on this trip with a bunch of my fun college friends who he always felt insecure around. So, off we go.

Somehow, out of the group of girls I was going with, one of us realized that it was only $99 each way to fly out of Reno instead of Sacramento. Little did we know that the day we had to drive to Reno would also be the day of the worst storm of the year! I think it took us about 3-4 hours to get there. Ridiculous. We flew off to Vegas the next morning and met lots more of our college friends there. For some of the other girls it was their boyfriend, and the rest of us were "flying solo" for the time there.

We started drinking as soon as we got on the plane and didn't stop until the morning we came home. Party, party, party. Drink, drink, drink. Scream, smoke, dance, etc. By the second day I was hoarse and the morning of the third, I had nothing. No voice whatsoever. My laugh was a mere whisper. This made it very difficult to tell the hottie in the club that night who wanted to do more than just dance with me, that I was in fact engaged. All I could do was show him the ring on my finger. And the sad part is, I remember being mad at that ring because I would have loved to take advantage of that situation. Oh well, it is what it is. Well, it was anyway.

Our last day in Vegas we decided to do a Casino Crawl. We were pub crawl pros back home, so this shouldn't be much different, right? Except there are a thousand casinos, all with $2 daiquiris and $1 extra shots. I got full before I could get drunk, but we powered through it. We got all the way from our hotel, The Monte Carlo, down to Fashion Show Mall and into old Vegas before we decided to take a cab back and hit up the buffet. It was definitely an unforgettable trip.

That was only the beginning for me of what seemed like an addiction to Vegas. Spending money I didn't have, binge drinking beyond normal levels, smoking and dancing the night away in expensive Vegas night clubs. Completely ridiculous. Every time I left, I felt like if I never saw that city again, it would be too soon. Until 6 months later when someone would utter the magic word, "VEGAS". It was like we couldn't find a reason to go fast enough.

The next trip was in January of 2006. I went with the usual group of friends, only at the time I happened to be dating one of them. But we did all of the same things. At least 4 people to a room, this time we added an expensive dinner and a show to spice things up, pricey night clubs and hours in front of Fat Tuesday gulping down sugary alcoholic beverages. At the airport to come home feeling like death, no voice and getting that last traditional Burger King aiprort meal down before the return to reality.

Later that very same year, I was not longer dating the same person, which caused some friction in the group for a while, and made this next Vegas trip a little awkward. We had all somehow found our way back to each other, and then I invited myself along. LOL! It's VEGAS! So, in October we headed to Sin City the weekend before Halloween, with no costumes. Stupid.

We had the same core group and most of the same activities. Drinking the days away while wandering the strip and the casino. The traditional ride on the roller coaster at New York, New York, another show, more dancing the night away. You get the point. More fun had, more money lost, more damage done to my liver and kidneys.

This time I returned a mere 2 months later for New Year's. If I had to pay for this trip, I wouldn't have been on it. But Andrew's company was doing their "corporate retreat", so it was on the house for the most part. Each of the business partners brought a guest, and I was the lucky girl that got to accompany Drewie. This was a much different Vegas trip since these were people of a different caliber. Older, less fun people. More expensive dinners, higher star hotels, and even a $100 tip to the doorman at Pure so we didn't have to wait in line on December 30th. It wasn't even New Year's yet.

This was the trip where I had my first real massage and actually didn't pay for dinner or drinks . My lowest expense Vegas trip for sure. We went to some New Year's party at The Luxor for $100 a person. Open bar and buffet. I was so hungover from the night before I was visiting the bathroom every ten minutes (not to throw up) and couldn't really take advantage of the open bar until it was almost closed. It was still a fun time and a great trip overall. We didn't let the others stop the two of us from hitting up our usual night clubs. Great times.

As I am recalling all of my Vegas trips, I just realized that 2007 was a Vegas free year! Unless you count being there on the 1st and 2nd from the New Year's trip. I think I filled that time with cruises and concerts instead.

My next trip was the summer of 2008 and also a freebie. Somewhat. My bestie just happened to be one of the top producers in California for Wells Fargo in the year that they were going to Vegas instead of Hawaii. Who cares, I'll take it! The trip was Sunday to Tuesday, staying at the Wynn. Flight and hotel paid for and $100 in casino chips, which we traded in for cash. Happy hour on Sunday evening and Monday night was a banquet dinner with drinks as well. We went a day early, so we had to pay for one night in the hotel, which wasn't all that bad. And then we had to cover our spending money for other activities.

This was a Vegas trip of firsts for me. I had my first Vegas hangover, I thought I was immune. I wasted a whole day in bed because I was so hungover. It was also my first Vegas summer which means my first time at a Vegas pool. The drinks are still expensive. My first time in a Vegas VIP booth. My first time paying $80 for room service. And the first time I kissed JB. Definitely my craziest Vegas trip and simply because I went with April. When you're with her, crazy shit happens. It was however, my only trip that year.

This brings us to 2009. I had two trips that year. The first was a bachelorette party for the fiance of one of JB's friends. I didn't really know anyone but her, but I figured what the heck. It's VEGAS! And, I make friends pretty quickly. People kind of love me. LMAO!

We stayed at Mandalay Bay and got a cabana at their pool club one of the days. The other day we took a pole dancing, strip tease class called Stripper 101. I was sore and covered in bruises, but it was a hell of a good time. Fill in the blanks with scavenger hunts, dinners, and phallic accessories. Not to mention copious amounts of alcohol and you have your typical bachelorette weekend.

The other trip that year was with JB to celebrate our 1 year anniversary that August! We thought the best way to spend it was to return to the scene of the crime. :) It wasn't the Vegas we were used to though. We were in bed by 1am at the latest every night, went to a nice dinner and a show, played some penny slots, and spent some time at the pool. We even went to Tao together and tired of it pretty quickly.

2010 brought one trip to Vegas which was the UFC Fan Expo. It.Was.AWESOME! There were so many fighters there just walking around and available for pictures and autographs. Most of the guys we met were so nice! We didn't get much time at the pool and did't hit up any clubs, but we still had a great time.

I won't be setting foot in that town this year, due to all of the other fun we have planned, but JB will be going for his bachelor party/his friend's 40th birthday on Memorial Day weekend. I'm kind of jealous, but not really. The place they are staying at is paid for and he pretty much only has to pay for his flight. I always thought I would end up in Vegas for my bachelorette party, but it's a lot of money and a lot of work when you are a girl. I don't know if I have that in me these days.

With all of the players club emails we get from MGM, I know we will be back soon. I have had enought Vegas until then.

To Grandmother's House We Go

I have to clarify that it's not really my grandmother's house, but I believe she was someone's grandmother before she passed away. Okay, let me explain:

A while back JB and his brother were looking for a place to move to right around the time a client of his had a grandmother pass away. She was left this house in Citrus Heights, in a horrible market to try to sell it, and needed someone to watch over it. Pretty good timing for such a travesty. He tried to arrange payment with her and she would have none of it. So basically JB and Rich have been living there, paying only utilities for about a year and a half now. All of the original furniture was left in the house (including this Jetson's-esque dining room table), but the owner cleaned out the rest. Fortunately some upgrades were made to the kitchen and bathroom cupboards and counters in the last couple of decades.

Back when I first started this blog, JB and I had just approached the topic of eventually moving in together. Well, if you had seen this house like I had, and most of his friends can attest, you would know that moving in there was not even an option for me. I figured we would find a cute apartment or house to rent until we were in the position to afford our own home. I never thought I would move into a house that had no dishwasher, no microwave, and no dryer, let alone have it be my idea. But alas, I am smart enough to see the greater good that comes from paying zero rent. We can obviously save more money, and it is only temporary after all.

So, after a lot of organizing and cleaning, I moved in to grandma's house 3 weeks ago. And I should emphasize that the cleaning was everywhere, but the organizing was only in JB's room. See, I had heard these stories that most boys are just gross and will live infinitely in their own filth, but I had never really seen it first hand. Until grandma's house. I don't know that the house had ever been cleaned since they moved in until right before the first time I came over there. And even then I think JB only really cleaned the bathroom. Before a month ago, the last time the house was thoroughly cleaned was in December when I enlisted JB's help to clean the house together. In case you are unaware, a month ago was the beginning of August. That means the house went 8 months without being cleaned and it's occupied by 2 boys. You can imagine my hesitance and anxiey leading up to our date of cohabitation. The week before I moved in, I cleaned just the bathroom and the kitchen and it took me 3 HOURS!!!!

I have to say, things have been going well thus far. Well, I guess I can't really speak for Rich. And I am sure that although he loves having me there, JB doesn't really like having to make the bed every morning and put his clothes away when he takes them off or do the dishes right after dinner. But it isn't nearly as bad as JB or I pictured it being as far as me freaking out every day and really hating living there. I think we both expected the worst given the circumstances, and actually things aren't all that bad. There is a place for most of my stuff and I have settled into my routine and all is well. Also, I have noticed that I have so much more time now that I am not splitting my time between life and love.

Of course, it has only been three weeks...

It's On Like Donkey Kong!

So, after what felt like a very long process, I am finally able to say that we have been approved for a loan on the Walnut! For those that are curious, the home is built by Shea Homes and is in the Fiddyment Farm development in West Roseville. We had to go through a pre-qualification, which led to some work that needed to be done on our part, that finally led to a loan application and another week of waiting. We didn't want to make any announcements, or really get excited about anything, but last Friday we got word that we had been completely approved. The whole thing took about a month from start to finish. All along I had a feeling that it would be okay, but there was that part of me that just didn't want to get my hopes up. So, as my coworker suggested, I remained cautiously optimistic. It paid off!

I am going to try to visit the homesite every week to take pics of the progress. We went a couple of weekends ago and took some after they had framed the foundation and dug the trenches for piping and whatnot, but then JB lost his phone. My intention is to use snapfish to create a coffee table book of the whole thing once it's done. I am not sure how much longer we have to wait to go in and start selecting options and whatnot. We were able to visit the design center in the beginning to get an idea of what the upgrades would cost and work within our budget. Luckily a lot of stuff comes standard, so we don't have to pay as much for certain things that we want.

It's so funny because once you tell people you are buying a new home, they all want to give you their suggestions and tell you to try to get as much out of the builder as possible for free. Just as much as I am not a salesperson, I am also not a very good negotiator. If I ask once and they say no, I don't push the issue. JB is the same way. But when you tell people this, they just try to give you even more ways to try to get stuff for free. I do appreciate some of the good heads up tips I have been getting from people, and every time someone tells me to ask for something for free, I just go, "Oh yeah, I should ask about that next time we are in there." and move on with the conversation. Luckily I know quite a few people who have been in this situation recently so they have given me good advice as far as picking options and what to ask about.

The home is set to be finished and close escrow by late November/early December. I am hoping it's earlier rather than later for tax purposes. It would be nice to get that tax credit and pay off a student loan. :) I will be posting updates as they come, so stay tuned!

The Results Are In...

Okay, so I know boot camp ended a week ago, but the instructor was on vacation and was not able to test my body fat, therefore I could not post my progress. I finally met with her this morning. After 1 month, 3 days a week for an hour at 6am, the results are in:

Weight: 143.5lbs
Body Fat %: 14.95%

Now, if you look back at my initial post, you might notice that I have gained .5 lbs. But I also lost 0.68% body fat. This means one of two things; that I lost some weight, but built up muscle which repleaced it or that some of my fat turned into muscle, which actually weighs more. My goal was to lose 8lbs and 3% body fat, which is quite ambitious in a month's time. It's do-able, according to JB, but probably not for my lifestyle. In order to reach this goal, I would have required much more gym time than my days allow.

That month did quite a few things for me besides shape me up. It added a level of discipline that I really needed. Getting up early requires going to bed early. Also, knowing that your body needs a certain amount of sleep to recover from hard workouts made it more of a priority for me to get more sleep. I stopped staying up late watching tv or reading. I was in bed by 10:30, 11 at the latest. Also, I started drinking more water and remembering to take my vitamins everyday. Of course, if you are working that hard, you don't want to ruin it by eating junk, so my eating was much cleaner than it had been. Lots of lean meats (chicken, tuna, ground turkey), fresh fruits and veggies, and complex carbs (brown rice, wheat pasta, whole wheat breads), and other protein packed snacks like yogurt and cottage cheese, peanut butter, cheese and crackers. Of course I had a few days where I let go a little and enjoyed myself, but I would get right back on track the next day and not let it derail me. I also cut back a lot on the alcohol intake, which always helps.

One thing I have learned, especially with restaurants being required to post the nutritional information for their dishes, is that eating out can really set you back and derail any progress you are trying to make. Restaurant-prepared meals are packed with fat and sodium and can blow your entire day of caloric intake in one meal. It's quite ridiculous and rather discouraging. Some people like to play dumb and ignore the facts because they really want to enjoy their night out. I would say that once in a while, that's fine. But if you eat out for lunch or dinner, or both, on a regular basis, you are not going to get anywhere very fast. And if you look at this information and try to order the best possible health-concious choice, it turns out to be a huge waste of your money. It makes me wonder if it will eventually change the way restaurants prepare their food. I sure hope so.

I am quite pleased with my results. I am very proud of my dedication and determination. I have noticed more definition in my arms and legs (not so much in my abs where I wanted it), and have received a ton of compliments, especially from JB. And the thing I think is the best part about it all, is that I am inspiring others to do the same. I have had several friends and family, including my roommates, that have started working harder to acheive their goals because they have seen a glimmer of hope that the hard work actually pays off at some point.

So, I just went shopping for new work clothes since all of my old stuff, even the stuff I had altered, was not fitting properly. Saggy and baggy to say the least. To give you an idea of how far I've come, aside from the pictures previously posted, two years ago I was a size 10 at NY&Company. This is the store I buy all of my work clothes from because I know I like thier stuff and I know my sizes there. A while back, I got to start buying size 8 pants and eventually had to have those taken in. The ones I had taken in are now baggy on me, hence the shopping spree.

As I am loading up my arms with size 6 pants and medium sized tops, the store clerk keeps coming up and unloading them from me and putting them in the dressing room. Once I get in there to try stuff on, I realize that everything is too big. The size 6 pants are just a smidge to big, so I ask for a 4. Well, let me tell you, we are not quite there yet. Although I could get them on just fine and buttoned with no problem, they created a bit of a muffin top. Much like my size 10 pants were doing 2 years ago. I opted to stay with the 6 for now, but was excited about the fact that I could even fit into the fours! I also bought smalls in some of the tops I purchased. A few were still in the meduim range, but it all depends on the style. I can't even remember the last time I bought a small anything!

So, all in all, the boot camp experience was great! I made a little progress, although not as much as I had hoped for, and I am still on my quest for a 6 pack. I just purchased a 90 day weight loss pack from dotfit.com which, along with my gym activity and healthy eating, should help with the progress. The most important thing to remember is to not get discouraged. It takes a few months to see initial results, but after that it's encouraging to actually see the hard work pay off and know that you are doing all of the right things.

Halfway There!

Holy cow! Two blogs in one week! I must be bored at work. LOL!

So, today marks the halfway point for boot camp. I have successfully made it on time (at 6am) and all the way through 6 classes. I almost missed my alarm this morning though. Woops! It has not been easy. I definitely have to talk crap to myself in my head. The whole, "you're doing great, you can do it!" doesn't work on yourself. It's more like, "Don't be a p#$$4, you can do this. Some of these people are twice your age." No offense to those people. LOL!

Due to situations beyond her control, my partner in crime through this process has missed the entire week. Except for Monday when she was just "too tired". I could have forgiven her for that because when I woke up that morning and saw her text, I almost went back to bed myself. But I would have only been cheating myself. So, I went. And I have been regretting it ever since. Let me tell you, if I can remember, what Monday's workout entailed:

-2 warm up laps
-dynamic warmup (some different drills to get certain muscle groups warmed up)
-plank for two minutes
-A circuit that included doing a squat/bicep curl with 8lb weights simultaneously (10 reps), followed by 30 yards of walking lunges, 10 push-ups, 30 yards walking lunges back. Repeat again at reps 9, and so on, all the way down to 1.
-The rest of the workout is pretty much a blur, but it probably involved some upper body stuff with a resistance band and then some more core work.

If you did the math correctly, you would have realized that 60 yards of walking lunges, ten times, equals 600 yards of lunges. For those of you like me, who are bad with distance, that's 6 FOOTBALL FIELDS!!!!! By the end of that day, I was feeling tight. The next morning was a little worse. By lunch time, I could barely walk. All of those things that we take for granted like getting in and out of a chair or going to the bathroom, even steering with your knee, inflicted great amounts of pain. That night, walking up the stairs was difficult, but didn't hurt nearly as bad as having to walk down them the next morning. I had several questions from coworkers about the way I was hobbling around the office, and my boss told me, "You're too young to walk that old."

I can honestly say that in all of my years of dancing and working out (with or without a trainer) I have never been that sore. Everything from the waist down was sore and tight, but my quads felt it the most. When I would try to walk, I thought my knees were going to hyper-extend because of the fact that my muscles could not support them properly. My roommate used the example of the blow-up guys you see at the state fair or the car dealerships with their unstable limbs flailing about. That was me, flailing about down the hallway at work. Somehow I made it through the workout on Wednesday, and was very grateful when we were working different muscle groups. Today's workout was a little easier in that aspect, but still tough. Especially when she had us doing more lunges and some other squatting exercises. I can still feel the tightness, but it is now down to the level that I am used to experiencing from a tough workout.

I hate getting up early. With a passion. I really dislike levels of exertion beyond my comfort zone, and I hate losing a challenge. So, why the hell am I doing this? Well, to see if I can, for one. And then to say that I did. I am a lot tougher than I give myself credit for and I am proud of myself for making it through every one of these godforsaken boot camp classes. It helps knowing that I am motivating others as well and JB is being really supportive and encouraging.

I made it halfway, so I know I can make it the rest. I will try to start posting the workouts from each day, but sometimes, my mind is just jello by the time I get out of there let alone the end of the day.

Boot Camp

So, in case you haven't heard me talk about it or seen any of my face book status updates, I am currently in a fitness boot camp with Breakout Fitness. It started last Monday and it is brutal to say the least. First of all, it's at 6am. Second, every day (MWF) is a total body workout and it's always different so your body never really adapts to it. For the 12 sessions it was $200, which breaks down to $17/session. Great rate if you have ever had to pay for training. I guess if I have to pay someone to inflict pain on me, it's a good deal. The thing that surprises me is that even with going to the gym 3-5 times a week since the beginning of the year, this kicks my ass every day. I am sore by the end of the day and still sore by the next work out. It's pretty great though because there are men and women of all ages right along side you and seeing what people are capable of is pretty motivating.

The first week she had us weigh ourselves and do our body fat testing. Below are my results/goals to work towards:


Category
Current
Last
Date:
7/12/09

Body Fat %:
15.68%

Desired Body Fat %:
12.00%

Body Fat to lose:
5.97 lbs

Total Weight:
143.00 lbs

Lean Body Weight:
120.58 lbs

Body Fat Weight:
22.42 lbs

Goal Weight:
137.03 lbs

She is going to take our measurements again when this is all over at the end of the month and I will be sure to post them here to see if I have made any progress. I have been trying to do cardio and other workouts outside of this, but the first week was a little crazy. I am almost done with my Thursday class so I will have another day of the week for workouts as well.

Stay tuned...

Change of Plans

Shortly after I wrote my last post I found out that by getting a loan on my own, we wouldn't really be approved for much of a house. This was kind of discouraging because it meant that we had to put our plans on hold for the time being and wait to see what happened next with a few things. One of those things was JB's job. I was unsure how long it would take for them to post the manager position for him to even apply, but then everything started happening pretty fast. They posted the position and he had an interview the following Tuesday. By Thursday, he had been promoted!!!!

This changes things in a great way for us. The house that I mentioned in my previous post, The Walnut, is now a pretty good possibility for us. We now have comparable steady incomes and are working to increase credit scores where necessary for financing. We informed our realtor that we would no longer be looking at resale homes and wanted to focus mainly on getting ourselves a Walnut. Last Sunday, she met us at the model homes and we walked through them again. We looked at the one we want, and then just to be sure, went around and looked at all the others to see the different options and ideas. Finally, we went in and talked to the sales representative.

She went over the prices of the different elevations with us. Luckily the one we want is the least expensive. She also went over some of the basic upgrades that we are most likely going to want in the home. The fireplace is optional, which I think is stupid, but we are probably going to get it anyway. There are no HOA fees for the development, but there are mello roos. The good thing here is that they lower the property taxes so that the mello roos and taxes combined still equal 1.25%. Their lender does FHA loans, which means we only have to put down 3.5% and we would only have to pay 25% down on any options we select, which also goes towards the down payment. This means we don't have to come out of pocket any extra for the options we want. The unfortunate part is that since we don't have 20% to put down, we have to pay a PMI, which is $160 a month!!! Hopefully within the next 5 years we might have enough equity in the home to get rid of that. Who knows what will happen in this state though.

We left the sales office feeling pretty optimistic. I think with both of our incomes and dwindling debt, we should be able to live comfortably in this home. And since it's 2434 square feet, we should be able to stay there for quite a while, family expansion or not. We made an appointment at the design center this Thursday to go and price out different options and whatnot, and we are going to do a pre-qual to see what suggestions they have to improve credit scores. They have a block for sale right now that would possibly close escrow by November, but we are not sure we will make it in that one with the things we still need to take care of. The next phase will possibly be move-in ready by Feb/March 2010. That will also be good because we can spend that time building up our savings. I tried to include some pics below of the model, although what we end up with is going to look completely different, but the site is being lame, so I put them on my facebook.

After we left the models, we headed over to the mall for lunch. I asked JB if we could look at sparkly things just for fun and he said yes. We looked in every jewelry store, but I already have a specific one in mind and only one store in the mall carries it. Of course we ended up there last. I didn't even find anything at the other stores that came close to the one I want. When I finally got to try it on, it was even more beautiful in person than the pics on the designer's website. I'm sure I won't be getting it anytime soon, but it was fun to try it on and see how it looked in person.

What a great day!

Be Veeeeeery Quiet, I'm Hunting Houses

Gotta love my humor and my horrible Elmer Fudd attempt. It is true though, JB and I have started the process of looking for a house. Of course, we made the mistake of looking at models and fell in love with one, so of course nothing else is going to compare. Especially the stuff in our price range. Ideally, this is what we are looking for:

Single story
At least 1500 square feet
Roseville/Rocklin or Folsom area
Built in the last ten years
Great room concept
Master Suite
No tile countertops

There are a few more requirements and there is some stuff we are willing to budge on, but for the most part, that's what we want. The model home, The Walnut, is amazing. 2400 square feet of amazing, if I may. I can't even really describe it and just seeing the floor plan isn't enough. You have to see the model. It's like the heavens open and shine down light and angels sing for this thing. Well, maybe not, but that's how I feel. And I'm pretty sure JB feels the same way.

Fortunately for us, and not so much for others, there are a lot of short sales out there right now which puts houses that would normally be out of our price range, just within our reach. Maybe we will find an awesome home that is almost as good for us, but more affordable. All I know is that I have a tendency to get my hopes up about stuff like this, and get excited, and then get let down. That is going to get old pretty fast. A lot of the agents are listing homes really low to get the attention, but then when the offer goes in, the bank rejects it because it is nowhere near the appraisal value of the home.

Luckily we are using someone that is a client of JB's and she has been in the business for over 30 years. We met with her last Saturday to go over the things we were looking for and what we absolutely don't want. After that we went and looked at three houses, but two of them were in contingency. Each house got better, but none of them was "the one". I'm sure we will know it when we see it.

Another thing that might change is JB's position at work. He is interviewing on Tuesday for a fitness manager position and if he gets it, we might be in better shape income-wise. I'm not so sure about the rate we would be able to get though. I guess we'll just hang out and play it by ear.

Wish me luck!

A Work in Progress

So, I posted an album on myspace and facebook with some pics from the past two years to chronicle my struggle with getting into shape. Being an active kid in high school with cheer and dance, fitness was never really something I had to pay attention to. Once I was out of high school, pretty much inactive and making my own money to buy food left and right since there was never much in the house that didn't require preparing, I started gaining weight. Now, I know that everyone goes through changes in their bodies as they grow older, but there is also a lot that you can do to affect the way it changes. Stuffing your face with fast food and not exercising, is probably not the best way to assist those changes that your body is already going through. There are other things that can affect a woman's weight as she ages as well, such as birth control. Hormones tend to have quite the effect on weight gain. And although I slowly gained some weight after high school, maybe about 5 lbs per year, breaking off my engagement (I promise, I will blog about that at some point) really sped up the process. It has been almost 4 years since then. The first two years I spent drinking from Thursday night to Sunday night and enjoying the late night eating, followed by lazy hangover days with greasy burgers that goes along with it. In May of 2007, I was almost 160 at 5'6". My body fat percentage was around 30% and I looked like this:

That's when I realized that something needed to change. I needed to start taking care of myself and changing my lifestyle. If this were easy, America wouldn't be obese. But I suddenly had this fear that if I didn't start doing something about it now, it would be much harder and a much bigger task later. It's not like exercise was foreign to me. I have danced most of my life and participated in soccer and gymnastics briefly when I was younger. But as an adult, finding time to work it into my busy social life outside of work was more difficult than I thought. At least that's what I told myself.

At some point, I found The Abs Diet. Which was interesting because it wasn't a diet at all. It was just a book with tips and workouts and recipes and knowledge. Once I educated myself on how bad what I was putting into my body was for me, it made it easier to stop doing it. It also taught me that everyone gets to indulge, and moderation is key. No brainer, right? Well, even with the foods and workouts right in front of me, it still wasn't easy. A year later, I still looked like this:

I felt like I was making progress, but clearly the pictures tell a different story. Have you noticed a common theme yet? Alcohol. Right. Apparently not only does alcohol equal empty calories and make you want to stuff your face, but it also hinders your body from burning fat, so very little, if any, of what you take in is even being burned off when you have alcohol in your system. Changing your lifestyle is really hard when you have collected friends and taken to activities that mostly revolve around drinking and spending money you don't have (different blog for a different day). I wonder how much more money and how many less lbs I would have if I counted up all my trips to Vegas over the last four years. Thinking about it makes my head spin. But of course I am not going to cut off all my friends and completely quit drinking. Not that I couldn't, but moderation is the key. So, I cut waaaaaaaaay back on the amount I was drinking and switched what I was actually drinking (Vodka/soda - the only calories are in the vodka - 50 per 1oz shot). That along with eating the right things most of the time and hitting the gym a few times a week was doing something, but not enough.

In December, JB let me borrow his body bugg. It's a device that you wear, always except showering and sleeping, that counts your calories burned and steps taken for the day. This tool accompanied with the website used to log your food and upload your bugg data, shows you what you are taking in and what you are burning and helps you to set goals and reach them. I started the day after Christmas 2008, still around 150 lbs, and around 25% body fat. I used it diligently for about 2 months. I was eating 1600 calories a day and burning 2200 at least. I was really good with my eating and was getting to the gym 3-4 times a week. I fell in love with Turbo Kick Boxing and JB fixed my running form so I could actually run for longer than 15 minutes and not get tired. Slowly but surely I started to see a change. I weighed in at 143 and was down to 23% body fat on May 22, 2009 and just last week in So Cal, took these pics:

I was half kidding while posing on the beach, but when I saw the pics, I felt like my hard work after all that time had finally paid off! Not to mention I can almost run a 10 minute mile!! This coming from a girl who failed PE her freshman year because she loathed running. Now I am one of those people that goes jogging after work in my neighborhood and does ab videos and squats and lunges in the living room if I can't make it to the gym. I enjoy working out now and I get frustrated when I can't go for days at a time. I find places to fit it into my schedule and even turn down invites if it means I have to skip the gym. I have turned time with friends into gym dates instead of happy hours (most of the time). And JB and I have gym dates at least once a week and love working out together. I admit, there are times that I slip, have bad days, whatever. Tonight for dinner I had chicken and mac 'n' cheese. But I don't get defeated or beat myself up about it and I get back on track the next day. It's almost like more motivation, at least that's what I tell myself ;)

JB likes to think he is mostly responsible, and I give him partial credit, but not as much as he thinks he deserves. I probably could have done it without him, but he made it a hell of a lot easier and way more fun. Makes me love him even more!

I am not exactly where I want to be yet, although I feel I am in a great place. There's something about having to get all of your pants taken in that makes you feel like you have accomplished something. Next up is a fitness boot camp. A coworker and I have signed up for the July session. Three days a week at 6am. I am going to hate and love every minute of it. I feel like that might just get me to where I want to be. That final push over the edge.

Stay tuned...

Time Flies!!

Remember when I babbled about not going another month without blogging? My bad. Turns out in my world it's easier said than done.

Today is the last day of the term for me. What does that mean? I have to give a presentation, for one. It also means I get a week off of school and can focus on the gym. Annnnnnd, it means I get to go to Disneyland!! Yippee!

My best friend's little girl is 3 1/2 and it will be her first trip to Disneyland. How can you miss that? I want to be there to capture every moment of it. I don't have my own children yet (thank god!) which means I have to live vicariously through my friends and their little nuggets. This makes it possible for me to act like a child, with an excuse for once.

Hopefully when I return I will have lots of pictures and stories to blog.

Until then...

Busy Breezy

So, I had my step-mom ask me today when I had a free weekend in order for JB and I to come down to Vacaville for a BBQ with her and my dad. When I looked at my calendar, this is what I found:

Next Weekend: Mother's Day
May 14th - rehearsal dinner for Ry & Val
May 15th - Ry & Val's Wedding
May 23-25th - Memorial Day Weekend with a paper and presentation due on the 26th
May 30th - Cousin's Graduation
May 31-June 3rd - Disneyland
June 5-7 - Tahoe for Callie
June 13th - Callie's Birthday BBQ
June 20th - Callie & Peter's Wedding
June 28th - Celebrating Rob's Birthday
Fourth of July Weekend

I think I am open after that pending any school assignments. Whew! It exhausts me just typing that out. So, I promise, when you ask me to do something and I say I am busy, it's not just because I don't want to hang out with you. I really am BUSY!!!

Tropical Reflection

First off, although I don't have to apologize for anything, I still feel like I should. What kind of blogger waits a month between posts? How do I expect to gain a following if I give my hypothetical audience nothing to look forward to? Someday people will read this and will be dying to know what is going on in the life of Breezy. And they shall not be kept waiting.

I am currently in Honolulu, Hawaii doing some employee relations stuff for work. We have an acquisition office here and this is the second time in the past 8 months I have been on a company paid trip to the lovely island of Oahu. On Sunday night, while beginning to pack for this trip, I was not excited to go. I was stressed about dealing with the issues here as well as obligations I need to tend to back home, and I did not want to leave JB. He is going to a bachelor party in Tahoe this weekend and will be gone by the time I return. I will not get to see him until Sunday, if then. Sad face. All of this added up to me having a mental breakdown on Sunday evening and crying my eyes out all over JB's shirt. This, in turn, led to us having a rather serious conversation about our future together. Here is the gist of it:

I was stressed out about all the things I have going on as well as thoughts about the future and overwhelmed by the fact that none of it seems possible or even close to happening. Everything takes time, everything costs money, etc. Warning: watching Platinum Weddings when you don't have any money and are not even close to having a ring on your finger is not a great idea when you are already feeling this stress and pressure. JB was very good about handling this situation. I give him props for his investigation tactics. What started out as me telling him I am overwhelmed with school and work turned into us setting a goal for cohabitation.

Those of you that know me, and know my history (which I intend to blog about at a later date), will probably find this amazing and slightly insane. I never believed in the phrase, "When you know, you know." until I knew. And then it all made sense. Now it seems that everything just stands in the way of me being with JB, which is all I want to do. Daily activities like work, school, the gym, and life all keep me from spending time with him. Living on opposite sides of town makes it impractical to see each other more than once a week and on the weekends. It is good that we have to spend this time apart, otherwise things probably wouldn't have worked out the way they have for us. I realize this. And I also know it is completely unhealthy to not have separate lives, which is why we do. But it seems as though no matter what I am doing, I am thinking of him. I am wishing he were there with me to experience it with me. Just wanting to be in his presence because everything makes so much more sense. And blah, blah, barf. My point is, we have finally had a conversation that tells me I am not alone and that he feels the same way as I do about our relationship and our future and he is serious. The conclusion of this conversation is that somewhere toward the end of August, around our one year anniversary, we are going to start looking for a place together.

I am SO excited!!!

My point in telling you all of this is that this morning, while looking out the window of my 26th story hotel room at a Majestic view of the mountains set behind a golf course and half covered by clouds, I remembered what I was feeling 8 months ago standing in that very same spot (it was in a different room though).

8 months ago, I had recently reunited with the only person to have ever truly broken my heart. I refuse to blog about that situation anymore since I blogged it to death on myspace, but it was quite a long drawn out process that started as a wonderful and inspiring friendship. One that was, and still is, very unique. After a year and a half of not talking to him, I decided to bury the hatchet because I realized that his friendship meant more to me than my pride. It had taken me that long to heal the wounds, but I was finally ready for the reunion. It had only been two months since then when I stood and looked at this view for the first time. I was filled with emotional turmoil and confusion. I wondered if I could really handle just being friends and standing by and watching him spend his life with someone else. I had just finished reading a book he had given me, which was his favorite childhood story, that had an inscription inside the front of the book. I was still at a point where I felt I was recieving mixed messages, but not sure if he was sending them, or if I was making them up.

At the same time, this was a month after reuniting with JB in Vegas, which was really the beginning of the end (or the beginning of the beginning) for us. However, we had only sent text messages since then and had not even talked over the phone yet. I hadn't decided yet whether I was going to let him in and let things run their course, or cut him off at the pass and not let him waste his time when I was sure to eventually break his heart. He kept me company over text messages the entire time I was there by myself. I felt bad thinking that I was most likely just using him for attention when I had no one else to give it to me.

So, as I stood there this morning, once again taking in this Majestic view from my hotel room and reflecting, I was amazed at how much and how fast things changed in a short 8 months. That friend of mine is just that, a friend. Well, not "just that" because that would never suffice to describe him. He and I have a very special friendship. I cannot say that I have another friend like him. But although very dear, his is only a friend. Once I realized that was all it should and would be, that's all it was in my mind and I never turned back. People that knew what we had been through, before I cut him out of my life and during the period of healing, thought I was completely insane and there was no way we could ever just be "friends". But I am so glad that we are because he brings an element to my life, no matter how often, or sporadically I see him, that no one else ever could. And for that I am very grateful.

By reading the paragraphs above, it is obvious how much things have changed with JB. For me to go from not knowing if I wanted to pursue anything with this person, to knowing he's the one I want to spend today and all of my tomorrows with, IS completely insane. But it's also one of the best feelings in the world.

And so my friends, I can tell you from experience that time does heal all wounds. And if you continue to let love in, no matter how often it betrays you, it can do wonderous things. And blah, blah, barf.

Getting Started

For months I have been reading the blogs of my friends and family and wanting to start one of my own. I have done some blogging over the years on myspace, but realize that not everyone I know or want to see these things is part of that world. I have much to learn in this world, but am proud to finally be a member.

What's in a name?

While creating my profile here on blogspot, one question stumped me, "What do I want to call my blog?" What do I want to call my blog? I am a fan of alliteration, so I wanted something to go along with my name. It seems that "Bre's Blog" or something to that effect would be simple enough, but anyone who knows me, knows I am far from simple. I thought about "Blonde Ambitions", but didn't really want to be stereotyped or connected to a horrible Jessica Simpson flick. Also, when I googled it, I found another blogspot with that name. And finally I settled on this:

"Breezy In Bloom"

And here's why...

I am currently 27 and working on finishing up my masters degree in Human Resources. I have finally found a love that I wasn't sure existed. I have come to a great place in the friendships I hold near and dear to my heart. And I am working on family relationships that mean oh so much to me. In the past almost year, I have been going through a physical, mental and emotional transformation. I did, and am still doing, some soul searching and figuring out the person that I really want to be and the type of life I truly want to live. I am in bloom. Although I have been living for the past 27 years, I feel as though my life is just beginning and the journey is going to be amazing. I want to have a forum to share these things with family and friends.

Welcome to my blog.